Bad as it gets
by xX-Natasja-Xx
Summary: Just a short oneshot about Addison and Mark in Seattle after Derek and Addison broke up.


**Bad as it gets**

Hey guys, here is another one-shot coming from my mind.  
I had my iPod on shuffle when a song came up called bad as it gets from Jewel, of course immediately an idea popped up in my head.  
I know I'm not the best writer on here but I appreciate all your lovely reviews!

**Disclaimer:** Characters are borrowed from Shonda except for Dylan, he is all mine

Please review.

**xX-natasja-Xx**

_I close my eyes so I can't see you leaving.  
I still hear you, walking out.  
I can't move, feels like I am not breathing.  
How can I live without you now?  
Is this as bad as it gets? Is this as hard as it seems?_

I watch him walking out of the front door from our house.  
I feel my heart fall apart when he closes the door behind him. Upstairs I hear our little boy crying, probably being woken by our screaming. I sigh and wipe away my tears before walking up the stairs. I drag my feet towards the door where he is behind and I open it softly, not sure why I try to be quiet since he is already awake, and I walk in and see him fussing in his crib. "sttt Dylan, everything is fine" I try to comfort him, and myself as I pick him up.  
He is the splitting image from his dad, the product of what was once a love between two adults, who have known each other for many years, and have been together for three years now. I kiss him on top of his head before I sit down in the rocking chair, and whispering soft and loving words to him while rocking the chair forwards and backwards, knowing he loves that.  
It doesn't take long before our 8 months old son is asleep and I'm left in the silence of the house, a silence that I hate and always have hated, a silence that meant that the love of my life isn't at home with me.

Tears start to form in my eyes again and I just let them fall, no point in holding them back. Holding Dylan gives me comfort, he is my live now and there is no way that Mark is taking him away from him, I will fight for Dylan with all the strength I have, even if it is the last thing I do.  
I still don't get how we ended up this way it seemed to go very well between us. After Derek and I got divorced because of my one night stand with Mark, I stayed with Mark, I really loved him and it appeared that he was in love with me for several years but never acted on it before because of Derek. We started off well, he stopped sleeping with other woman but our relationship had been rocky since the past eleven months, it all started when I was 6 months pregnant with Dylan. Mark spent more time at work, saying that he just did that so he could take some time off when Dylan would be born, except when Dylan was born he never took time off to be with me and Dylan. At one point in my pregnancy I started to feel ugly and fat and because of that I became ashamed to let him see me naked, so we stopped having sex while every inch in my body was screaming for it.  
That is when he probably started to sleep with other girls again, without me noticing it. I've had my doubts about him being sex-sober but I thought it was just me working myself up. Now I hate myself for not acting on it and not noticing it.

Tonight me and Mark had a fight, he told me he slept with other girls and fell in love with one of them. I begged him to stay for me and Dylan and give us another chance but still he walked out on us.  
I really thought we would make it, that we could try again and have a second chance but apparently me and our son aren't that important for us. After our one night stand, the evening Derek walked in I became pregnant, I aborted the child because I thought Mark couldn't be a father. Then we started a relationship and I thought he changed.

I wipe away one of my tears before getting up and putting Dylan back into his crib, I give him a kiss before I walk out his room.  
I head towards our bedroom and undress myself before climbing into the cold bed, the bed that is empty and it hurts to know Mark isn't sleeping with me tonight. I switch off the lights and let my tears free, trying to forget everything that happened today.

A couple hours later I'm being woken by Dylan, crying for his breakfast. I sigh and drag myself out of the bed, my eyes are bloodshot and puffy, my make-up is spread all over my face. I walk over towards Dylan his room and as soon as he sees me he stops crying and starts to giggle, while he finds his toes and starts playing with them.  
The sight of my little boy brings a smile on my face and by then I know that I don't need Mark into my live as long as he is in our sons his live. I know I can survive this with Dylan by my side and maybe one day I can love another man or sees Mark what he is missing by leaving me and our son and will he come back into our lives.  
I pick Dylan up and place a kiss on his cheek, he is all I need.

**xx-Natasja-xx**

Just a Addison centered story of what I thought that should have happened after Derek left Seattle. Addison deserved to have her child

Reviews please?


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